and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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