The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
