Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize