So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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