Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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