Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
