An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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