she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
