I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
