found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
