I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
