turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
