just come out here and I will go home with you...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
