this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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