3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
