You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize