I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
