cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
