I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
