WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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