grandma shit on top of the toilet
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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