saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
