After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
