we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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