I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The power of my boobs compel you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
