dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
