I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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