Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
