i just wanna soil my oats bro
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
