Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
