Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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