I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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