Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i believe in u and ur pee
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