I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize