I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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