Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
