Quick, to the slutcave!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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