I bet he comes in French.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
