I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
