You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
