My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize