His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize