I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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