I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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