I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have feelings that need drinking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
