come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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