Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
