i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
