Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
soo... how was my night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
