I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Two words: nipple clamps
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