i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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