I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
