It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize