I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
