Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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