I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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