im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
