While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
