What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
