And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
