she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize