I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
