I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
