Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
