I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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