the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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