Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
