I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
