You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
