It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
