I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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