It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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