i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
