I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
