I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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