i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
