i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
