Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
