DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Bring me that man meat
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize