Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
