Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
