I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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