I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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