We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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