What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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