Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
