yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Welp...herpes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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