It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
