I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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