I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
