She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
