Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
